Saturday, October 3, 2015

Day 24

I have been absent from here for a bit. Truth is I've been struggling. I haven't given in but it's been tough. I have been mad. Arguing with my husband a lot. I think that my real feelings are staring to come out of me. I realized that before now, we would have a disagreement and I would go have a drink (or several) and then wouldn't care anymore and wouldn't remember. Now that I don't do that anymore I stand my ground on things that annoy me or I disagree with. I don't think he likes that much and I think it's hard considering I haven't told him that this is what I'm doing, he probably has no idea and thinks I'm just in bad moods all the time. Poor man! I will tell him when the time is right, it's just not right now.....

I'm on day 24 now. Tomorrow will be 1/4 of the way to 100 days. For that I am proud! I have replaced my evenings with Perrier and tea and I enjoy it. I've been exercising and eating healthier and it all feels good.

I understand that this will pass but I can see why relapse happens. It sucks to feel angry, annoyed and mad. It was much easier to go to my "happy couch corner" and not see what was going on around me as it was happening. No body said it was easy.

<3 Jenn


  1. Early sobriety has a lot of anxiety and prickly feelings. Have you read about PAWS? It is a real thing.
    Be gentle with yourself. The truth is, (for me anyway) it as never a happy corner on the couch. It was a place to numb and forget. But nothing changes that way. And so much of the good is numbed with the bad.
    Time heals.

    1. Thank you Anne. :)
      The benefits of sobriety have far outweighed the negatives!

    2. PS. I read about PAWS and it helped with some insight into my anxiety!

  2. Hi,
    Try reading some Carol Dweck or Brene Brown - right now you are a beautiful emerging flower and you really do need some radical self care to give yourself love and acceptance in place of frustration and anger.
    You have to take action to give yourself self care - and that means a massage, a walk alone, plenty of water, afternoon naps, taking time off work - whatever it takes to stay on the sober train. Flip it from the idea of taking away alcohol, to instead giving yourself the love, attention and care that you have been missing for so long.
    Don't get angry, get even by loving yourself even harder!

    1. Thanks Bren!

      It's a learning process for sure, but I'm getting there! I will give those a read.