Monday, October 19, 2015

I went to AA....

I hadn't planned on going because I had gone 37 days without at that point.

But something crazy happened with a very close family member and they needed to go, so I went with them to support them and was surprised by it. I thought it would be very religious and I am not that but it was a community of people (some who are pretty bad off and others not so much) that are working toward the same goal. I met some very nice people and I will go back. I don't know for how long but I will continue to support this person (as we all know, it is a decision that has to be done on an individual basis) and reap the benefits at the same time!

Today I am 40 days sober and loving it. I have been so present with my family and in a place of being able to be understanding and helpful rather than resentful and turning to drink because of the problems faced with my family member.

I hope you are all doing well.

<3 Jenn

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Day 24

I have been absent from here for a bit. Truth is I've been struggling. I haven't given in but it's been tough. I have been mad. Arguing with my husband a lot. I think that my real feelings are staring to come out of me. I realized that before now, we would have a disagreement and I would go have a drink (or several) and then wouldn't care anymore and wouldn't remember. Now that I don't do that anymore I stand my ground on things that annoy me or I disagree with. I don't think he likes that much and I think it's hard considering I haven't told him that this is what I'm doing, he probably has no idea and thinks I'm just in bad moods all the time. Poor man! I will tell him when the time is right, it's just not right now.....

I'm on day 24 now. Tomorrow will be 1/4 of the way to 100 days. For that I am proud! I have replaced my evenings with Perrier and tea and I enjoy it. I've been exercising and eating healthier and it all feels good.

I understand that this will pass but I can see why relapse happens. It sucks to feel angry, annoyed and mad. It was much easier to go to my "happy couch corner" and not see what was going on around me as it was happening. No body said it was easy.

<3 Jenn